Rome, Italy (CNN) — Pope Benedict XVI’s possible shift on condom use is a “significant and positive step forward,” the head of the United Nations anti-AIDS campaign said, welcoming the potentially historic remark.
Society's standards are messed up. If you're reserved and quiet, you're emo. If you're open and expressive, you're attention hungry. If you're a virgin by 16, you're doing something wrong. If you lose it by 16, you're a whore. If you don't compliment yourself, you're begging for compliments. If you do compliment yourself, you're full of yourself. If you're unique, you're weird. If you're "normal," you're boring. It's hard to find yourself in a world so centered around perfection, when in reality imperfection is what defines us.
No matter what you do, every experience would somehow appear to be as subjective as it could be.
What’s beautiful for you might be ugly for me.
What’s good for you may be good for me too.
What you see may be invisible to me.
We may like same things and dislike them too.
You may cross the bridge and I’ll choose to stay.
It’s not all the time that we’d be both seeing the SUN; I might catch it and you might just past it.
It may be night for me and day for you.
You may be sitting at the edge and I at the center.
Look, we are all different. That’s a cliche thing that people should have inculcated in their minds. We are all unique. I couldn’t impose to you that you should understand me…and you can’t simply impose to me to like you either.
Now, don’t tell me that “I can do this coz it’s easy”. Yes, it may be easy in nature, but come to think of it— its impact to you is way different from its impact to me. Am I not right?
Don’t tell me “Just forget him, forget everything!” It feels like doing something like a military task in the middle of a battle. If it was so easy to escape, I know I’ve done that before. But YOU are not ME and I am not YOU. What’s easy for you may be too difficult for me. I have been trying so hard to finally get rid of this unhealthy feeling…but the MORE I TRY TO ESCAPE AND FORGET, the more I get stuck in it.
I am beyond bounded of gloomy memories. I am so upset. I knew I’ve had too much expectations running in my head. But what can I do? That’s what I’ve wanted to happen. I wanted people around me to be happy. I wanted him to be happy. I never gave up on him even if he’d push me and others away. I never did even if some people would tell how stupid I am; how martyr I am; how numb I am. I whole-heartedly accepted all the negative criticisms I’ve heard. I looked stupid. I look HOPELESS. But I stood up for this person, because of freaking L-O-V-E.
All I’ve ever wanted to know and see is for him to be happy. I don’t want him to live a miserable life anymore and so I’ve tried my best to help him stand once more and fight this unbeatable battle of life. It took me so long to wait for this day to come. It took me awhile to think of those things that I’ve told him. It took me so long to let the pain inside me…”Hey, that’s my way…you don’t have the right to question why I did that. I did that with my consciousness and subconsciousness working TOGETHER”. I purposely did everything. I let pain live within me. I certainly believe that you cannot absolutely VANISH PAIN AWAY….but YOU GET TO LEARN HOW TO LIVE WITH IT.
I may have tolerated the pain, but you might not get into even at the first stage of accepting the truth that you’re bounded by it.
My wish then came true. I know that’s what I’ve been wishing for the last couple of months. But when it did come true, I became so unsure about it.
Am I really happy knowing this person happy once more? Am I just happy because I love this person? Or I am just happy for him, but I am not personally happy? Or is it just because I expected too much that when he’s finally ok…I know he’d turn to me and relay his reasons, defend himself; his side…at least ask for forgiveness or say thank you.
But hey, let’s go back to the realization and points I have been saying…
HE is not YOU
HE is not ME
I am not HIM
WE ARE DIFFERENT AND WE ATTACK CERTAIN THINGS IN OUR OWN WAYS.
Fine then. We are different and I just would want to end these freaking expectations. I am just a typical young lady who wants some appreciation. I know it’s not nice to expect too much from someone or even something…or even from yourself.
But it just, it just BREAKS my heart even more. And after all, maybe that is real LOVE. Where and when you can prove how far you can go. When you would know you could sacrifice too much and just be happy seeing the other happy. It breaks my heart coz I’ve accomplished my desire to end other person’s miseries in life. And here, I ended up making mine even worse.
He’s there, ok; feeling good and fine. And I AM HERE, he doesn’t know how I feel. Never asked how I am. Never tried to. He’s there, ok; feeling good and fine. And I AM HERE, I am still hurting. He’s there, ok; feeling good and fine; somebody makes him smile. And I AM HERE, still waiting for him to say those words. SORRY; THANKS.
I know that in any kind of relationship, it won’t be easy to restart or reset. Even harder to… than starting up new. But that’s the only thing I’ve been wishing for—-no more, no less. I am not expecting what we’ve had will come back that easy; of course not…I know the pros and cons now. I am more careful.