ADELA: ahhh..teacher, how are you?
NADZ: I’m ok. Why? (trying to grin)
ADELA: uhmmm..teacher, when do you see namja chingu?
ADELA: teacher? you ahh (not sure bout the tense) fight?
tears tears tears…
ADELA: oh teacher, don’t cry.
NADZ: (in tears) oh no, you’re also crying!
ADELA: yes..because of you
NADZ: i’m sorry (wiping tears)
na-touch ako kay Adela sobra. Nung una ayoko siyang maging student coz like ang hirap nyang turuan for real. Like beginner level yung comprehension nya..sa dami ng teachers na napagdaanan nya, saken sya nagtagal…although special work load ko lang to, natuwa ako sakanya.. I did not expect her to feel that..She’s a mom, and a woman too..and SHE FELT MY PAIN..and she cried too..naiyak talaga ako sobra..ang babaw pa naman ng luha ko..
Don’t worry, he’ll miss you. You’re the best he could get, and he blew it. Don’t let him make you think for one second that this was your fault. It’s not. He screwed up, and you did absolutely nothing wrong. You gave him your heart, and you trusted him to keep it and protect it, but he couldn’t. And honestly, he’s not mature enough. He’s not smart enough. If he was smart, he would have cared for you with every fiber of his being and been with you every spare second he could. But he didn’t, and now he’s gone. But don’t you cry. Don’t call him telling him you miss him. Don’t IM him, don’t message him, don’t comment him, don’t talk to him in the hallways. Just pretend you don’t care. And don’t be surprised when he comes crawling back saying he made a mistake. And if you want to go, go with him again. But make him work for you. Don’t be his doormat. Don’t let him in the first time he rings the bell. Make him come back every day until you trust him enough. If he doesn’t come back after a couple of tries, just let him go. But if he comes back every day, then he’s worth it. Trust me .. he’s worth it.
Of all the blogs i’d see after doing my work,
why the hell such thing would be the first thing to appear?
I’ve found myself listening to the songs we used to share. And when I woke up this morning, it suddenly came into my mind, the need to read the messages we used to exchange, and hell yeah… I cried and smiled…why? I cried coz damn I MISS YOU so much…and I smiled coz I am happy to know and reminisce the times when we used to share the sweetest nights and words couples could ever have. I love you and I know you love me too.
This is what I hate the most- reminiscing. I hate coz I don’t wanna think about it yet. It’s not because I regret everything- there’s nothing to regret by the way. Nothing to regret and forget coz first of all, I loved and have been loving- and I chose to feel that; I never forced myself to feel that. Silence would mean both, I told you. It could mean throwing away everything that we’ve gone through, or trying to redeem what was all ours.
You were Romeo, and yes (the hell, I’d admit) I was Juliet. =) A love story that though families aren’t really the problem and concern, it was like we both came from two contradicting ideas and worlds. You’re weird and so am I. We click, and sometimes we just accidentally clash. It’s all about the love, I am telling you…It’s all about the love after all the bumps we’ve had…and I don’t know, the more I know these things are happening, the more I hold on to the dreams we used to share. You know why? I am freaking ready to listen. I am freaking ready to know…to decide and I am freaking ready to FORGIVE.
I forgive because I love and I understand…but sometimes I also need some air to breathe…I need to let someone know my worth…CHASE. It’s not that I don’t wanna talk, it’s not that I don’t wanna express how much I miss you, it’s not that I don’t love you anymore (in fact I still do)…it’s just that—-you have to feel how I feel as well..and I know that’s how you feel too…
As I listen to Easy Rock’s songs…(Grow Old with you by Adam Sandler, currently playing)…my emotions are rushing…my tears want to purposely fall from my eyes..but I can’t…I have to be freaking strong…I have to though my heart melts like ice cream under the sun..that easy; imagine.
I don’t wanna end something that doesn’t have any valid and enough reason to end. I don’t wanna end something peculiar yet, something unclear…Maybe we love each other in two different ways. But to tell you, just like the song..”I would love to love you like you do me”…yes, I would.
I was thinking about a dramatic exit yet. Some friends would say, go…and more friends would say NO…and the hell…who will I follow? Last night at church, the homily was all about PRAYER, and the answers to our prayer. I always pray, but I also know that whatever answer I would want to have; it’s not the kind that I would receive. God has his own answers, it’s all up to him…that’s how I keep on holding on. I pray, that’s why I understand…and I understand that’s why I love.
And after all, if this is not the kind of love one needs…then we should just accept that fact. Never would you try to regret or get mad, coz there’s nothing to be mad about…that’s life, that’s how we should deal with love and life. The most important thing is that you gave it a try and you never gave up. Being silent for awhile doesn’t mean you already gave up…
it simply means, I need some space for me to have more courage to hold on.
Oh, Christopher Cross…you have a lot of songs that make me cry. Swept away in the morning…everyday is a challenge. each day makes me even stronger.
One day, love…we’ll talk and we’ll cry. Together, I know after all we’ll hold on to the friendship and memories we’ve built. To let go, isn’t easy. To hold on, I need some grip. To make you feel bad is the last thing I would ever do. After all, I’m glad that somehow we don’t fight, somehow we do understand…and somehow, I still believe that the love is still there to keep on burning. (I hope I’m right)…Just keep on holding to this— I stayed, coz I keep on understanding; I am still here, coz I keep on loving. Remeber: Pain is never a reason to let go. Never…and remember your message and belief; if you stopped loving, it only means one thing—-you stopped breathing.
If it’s meant to be..then we could try to build OUR CASTLE again. Soon.
1.) Fine : **This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.
2.) Five Minutes: **If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.
3.) Nothing : ** This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with Nothing usually end in Fine.
4.) Go Ahead : **This is a dare, not permission. Don’t Do It!
5.) Loud Sigh : **This is not actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about Nothing. (Refer back to #3 for the meaning of Nothing.)
6.) That’s Okay : **This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. That’s Okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.
7.) Thanks: **A woman is thanking you, do not question, or Faint. Just say you’re welcome.
8.) Whatever: **Is a women’s way of saying SCREW YOU!
9.) Don’t worry about it, I got it: **Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking “What’s wrong?” For the woman’s response refer to #3.
“Is there something that you need to tell me?
Is there something that I ought to know?
our we something more than HISTORY?
tell me honestly…
Is there something left for YOU and ME?
(sob sob sob sob in the morning) hmmmm”—Christopher Cross
That was what I have planned…but yes, people are indeed correct, sometimes you cannot control the forces of nature. Everything that I was foreseeing to happen did not happen. Oh well, not because that I did not want to move and put all of those into reality, but hell yeah..reality bites indeed.What you’ve planned, will be left undone, and what you’ve been asking will be left unasnwered. The ironic part is, what you’ve been not expecting to come will eventually be in front of you.
Imprisoned by a faded memory. I am, yes I know I am. And I never regret that feeling. The longing for something you never want to end.But just like my plans for my career path, my personal life has been a whirlwind. Ups and downs, lefts and rights…I’ve been to a thousand trips to the North, and a million trips back to the South. I thought everything will be in order. I thought everything then will be cosmoligically aligned…and yeah, like my career path…now it’s going somewhere I’m not really sure about.
SWEPT AWAY by the things I encounter each day. Now I’m trying to fix my career path epic fail again. I’M HUNGRY FOR KNOWLEDGE. I’M THIRSTY FOR LOVE. I’m actually craving for something straight and firm…something I know I’ll be good at. Though, for the past days that I’ve turned my PASSION for writing as a CAREER…I guess I’ve found my comfort zone in here.(lucky bitch) haha.. And what is the best part of writing? Yes, to share what you know and what you want to express…plus knowing that someone will be able to read what you have written. It is heart-warming as well to know when followers would read my blogs, entries, articles, and poems..(plus LIKING it)…the feeling is PRICELESS indeed. No money could ever repay the rigorous amount of time and knowledge you have exerted and imparted…
HMMM…so I guess I should have taken Journalism, Literature, or Creative Writing back in college, huh? haha..(though I’m not really good at English) I screw up at English, actually..haha..oh..but I’m proud to be an ASIAN STUDIES graduate.
HAVE A NEW AND HAPPY LIFE.
After all, though sadness would sometimes come my freaking busy way..LOL..I know that everything will be placed on their proper alignments ( and margins too ).haha…
My BLOGS and other written materials before saved me…=)
now, they will be part of this book i’m currently writing..
thanks for the gift of writing…thanks for this passion…
and thanks for those who became my INSPIRATION for writing…
thanks also for this freaking EMOTION..haha”—